At the end of the day...

I just read this quote on a (insert eye roll here) social media site.  ((What am I rolling my eyes about? I'm the one scrolling right along!))

"At the end of the day, I'm a good woman.  I'm not perfect by any means, but my intentions are good, my heart is pure and I love hard with everything I've got & because of those things, I'm worth it.  Always have been and always will be."

Whoever said this--good for you.  I'm proud for you.  Because...Ahem....At the end of the day I'm a wreck--a messed up, walking, talking, mouth shooting off, disaster waiting to happen.  Perfect?  Um yeah sure, I'm a perfect example of dysfunction in need of a rescue.  Intentions?  OK, so if I didn't intend to hurt your feelings by my shameful gossip or if I didn't intend to go 65 in 35, or if i didn't intend to leave you out of my huddle at church, then that means you're the one with the problem???

My heart.  I wouldn't exactly call it pure.  My heart is "desperately wicked.  Who can know it?"  I do.  I know it.  I love darkness better than light because my deeds are evil.  That's my nature. I don't "love hard with everything I've got."  I love stuff.  I love to wallow in my self absorption.

My worth?  Okay, now we're talking.  Even if i COULD love hard with everything I've got, would that make me "worth it?"  Do I count my good intentions as worthiness points?  That's a pretty scary thought. You know where this is headed.  My worth and a pure heart can only come from one Source and it sure ain't me  Here is my saving grace, my guarantee.

Ephesians 1:6-14

To the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace 8that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.

In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory. 

Moral of the story?  1.  Don't get your theology from facebook.  2.  I'm nothing without Jesus.  3.  Refer back to number 2.

Desperate Plea

Today I prayed a desperate prayer, begging, pleading, groaning.  Did the ugly cry.  All for a woman I have never met and probably never will.  I think of her all the time.  every day.  Yet I know nothing about her.
 How old she is.
  Where she lives.
      What she does.
         Who her friends and family are.
But i love her so. She's one of the most selfless women I've never met.

You see, she's going to let me be Nonnie to her precious baby.

I wonder things about her every single day.  Does she know yet?  Is this the day she will decide? Just how scared is she?  Does she have a momma to help her through?  Will she take care of herself today?  Is she taking the right vitamins? Has anyone told her how brave she is?  Has anyone told her how much Jesus loves her and that He died just so she and her sweet baby can have life and have it to the full?  Anyone?  Does she know it's all going to work out and be ok?  Does she?  Does she know...can she sense that someone she's never even heard of is interceding on her behalf and on behalf of her precious cargo?

One day (hopefully sooner rather than later) THE CALL will come through to Amy and Robert (and of course the best big sister ever), that I have another precious grandbaby to love on and spoil completely rotten, who will wrap us all around that sweet little finger.  I just want her first mom to know and rest assured that she has done the most unselfish thing imaginable.  This child will have a forever mom and dad who are committed to each other, committed to Christ and His church.  He or she will have a big sister to teach the really important things like "now's not the best time to ask for that" or "how to get out of taking a nap before your birthday party." He or she will be loved, taught, taken care of, by a tribe of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and don't even get me started about the church families who will step up and provide nurturing and encouragement beyond belief. 
I want to tell her thank you for doing the hard thing. We won't ever know just how hard.  But we won't forget either.  Thank you. "May grace and peace be to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to who be glory for ever and ever.  Amen." (Gal. 1:3-5)

Happy Philippine Tuesday!

Today is a day my family has been observing for the past 30 or so years (sometimes twice a year)--the Tuesday my sweetheart leaves for a mission trip to the Philippines.  The first Philippine Tuesday was way back in 1989 I believe.  It was quite different then.  No cell phones.  No internet.  No updates on Facebook.  Only a HAM radio on the main island.  I talked to Terry once when he arrived in Manila and didn't hear a word until he got back to Manila at the end of the 2 weeks.  But before he left God gave me a Word.  Psalm 121:7-8. "The LORD will keep you from all harm--he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.   When he got back home safe and sound, I was so relieved that he had that mission trip thing out of his system.  But it wasn't long before he started talking about the "next" trip.  When Philippine Tuesday drew closer and closer, I revisited my Word.  And there it was.  Loud as a bullhorn.  "Both now and forevermore."  I knew in that instant this was a forevermore thing.  Nothing to get out of his system.  In fact, that look in his eyes, that passion for the Filipino people and for going in general, that look started to catch fire and spread far beyond anything I thought or imagined.  I've been now several times.  My kids have all been (beginning at the age of 14) more than once.   I wish I could tell you how many trips...how many team members...how many raised hands...how many churches planted.  I just don't know. 

just a few of the dates from an old Bible

 When the kids were little Philippines Tuesday actually became a recognized "NO SCHOOL" solemn occasion.  I will not use the word "holiday" in case you get the idea we were celebrating our daddy leaving home for two weeks!  We'd take Terry to the airport - Tupelo for the most part in those days - and a crowd of folks would come to see him and the mission team off.  I'd come up with stuff for the kids to do and we ate out a lot!

 It's gotten a little easier over the years as the kids have grown up.  But the night before he leaves my heart is always just a little thumpy. But I stand on my Word and have confidence that the God who loves my husband more than i possibly could will take care of  him and everyone who is with him. 

Things have certainly changed over the years.  But the mission is the same.  Share Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit.  Go.  Tell.  Be changed.  HAPPY PHILIPPINE TUESDAY!!!

Radomly Thankful

Here it is -- my annual random thankful list for 2014.  (i know you've all been on pins and needles waiting) 

In no particular order.  just the things that pop into the hamster wheel.  things over the past year that have been wonderfully wonderful.

1.  my cook lovin husband! he's been on a wild tear, having my supper cooked when i get home form work.  i so love it because cooking is not what i love. but i so love him.

2.  a good year for MSU football

3.  but  so glad my thanksgiving holiday is not determined by the egg bowl

4.  seven -- all of it --- all of the seven weeks of 7

5.  IF:Gathering, IF:Local, IF:Table, IF:Pray

6.  Jennie Allen and Restless





7.  Bethany Services

8.  #hopeandarrow

9.  Robert, Erin, Blaine (in order of their entrance into my family)

10.  Kids who serve Jesus every single week

11.  Kids who have spouses who serve Jesus every single week

12.  Midnight (so thankful he came back after his first accidental visit outdoors in 15 years!)

13.  Haiti

14.  Honduras aka #emmaandnonnieweek

15.  Salvation Army

16.  sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, great-nieces and great-nephews, inlaws, outlaws, all the rest

17.  being emma's favorite

18.  small group girls

19.  dark roast

20.  MSU 2014 graduation

21.  Milam Elementary School

22.  the final ledbetter wedding of this generation!

22.  chocolate cobbler

23.  empty nests

24.  eaglets that occasionally come by to visit (grown children are pretty fun)

25.  baby pruitt and out came the son

26. the fire pit

27. my mother and daddy reunited in heaven

28.  this face

A WORD for Wednesday-Vicissitude

Romans 12:2    

“Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”  The Msg.

          vicissitude \vih-SIS-ih-tood; -tyood\, noun:

 1.  regular change or succession of one state or thing to another.  

2.  Irregular change; revolution; mutation. 

3.  change in condition or fortune; an instance of mutability in life or nature (especially successive alternation from one condition to another).

4.  an unpredictable change:  the unexpected stuff you have no firm control over. (I really like this one)

I LOVE this word!  um ok.  i have never spoken it out loud in an actual sentence, but i plan to real soon.  "Vicissitude"  it just sounds so impressive.  On the other hand i HATE the word "change."  My darling of 32 years can get a certain look in his eye and i know he's about to rearrange the living room.  At work, just when i get the hang of doing something the "right" way, sure enough they vicissitude it. As much as i balk and resist and try to pretend it won't happen, vicissitude is inevitable and i can't un-vicissitude it.  Sometimes it's not good, but sometimes it is good.  very good.   

When’s the last time you had a life-altering vicissitude?  How about the vicissitude from walking by sight to walking by faith, allowing God to “bring out the best and develop well-formed maturity?”  Or the vicissitude of standing strong in the Lord and the power of His might, rather than working in mediocre human strength?  Read closely the #3 definition above.  Sometimes vicissitudes are wrought by a succession of events in our lives.  The well formed maturity of Romans 12:2 doesn’t happen in overnight.  One vicissitude builds upon another until one day we will stand complete in Him. 

This world is ever vicissituding (now that's probably not even a real word but just roll with it).   The choice is ours.  We allow the culture to hand over vicissitudes  or we allow the Holy Spirit to do it.  And most often it's our response to those #4 vicissitudes -- an unpredictable change:  the unexpected stuff you have no firm control over that He uses to bring about the vicissitudes necessary to make us into the person He wants to use for His glory!!

now... i dare you...go use vicissitude in a sentence!  right now.  go.

A WORD for Wednesday-Capitulate

Romans 8:37- 39    

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

capitulate \kuh-PICH-uh-layt\, intransitive verb:

To surrender under agreed conditions.

      

“I give up.  I quit.  Forget it.  Stick a fork in me, I’m done.”  Those words ever passed through your brain cells?   Me!  (raised hand here) usually in regards to one of the following:

•  A rocky friendship
• Work
• volunteering at church (esp. if it involves anything with "Lock-in" in the description; pre-adolescents; or diaper changes for the kid who's mom forgot to tell us about the "laxative" situation.)
• Raising children (just pack them up and ship them to military school now) 
• Holiday family gatherings (And if you think yours is dysfunctional, please read  The Thanksgiving Letter  - you will laugh your face off if you've never read it.

photocred: barbedwire.com

The key is remembering who the Enemy actually is and who it is not.  Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that " For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."   Our struggle is not with a boss, friend, or 6th grader! It's not EVEN your mother-in-law! 

 There are actually two ways to look at this.  Satan delights in these words when he is his waging war in our minds.  If the prince of darkness can get us to fight this spiritual battle in our own strength on his terms, he has us cornered. 

 But when we fall flat on our faces, cry out these same words to the Father of Light, He too is delighted with our response.  We capitulate to the One who makes us “more than conquerors” allowing Him to fight this battle.   Anything He has called us to do can only be successful if we approach the task with complete capitulation.   
Oh, and about the “agreed conditions.”  They’re quite simple, we do it His way. 

Construction Zone

Don't you just hate driving through a construction zone!  Oh my stars and they're never ending in Tupelo!  Every morning about 2 minutes after I leave for work i remember i should have left ten minutes earlier to account for the inevitable traffic due the road work.  Yes, Mayor Shelton , I know.  East Tupelo has SO needed the work done for a big old long time and once it's complete it will be SO worth the inconvenience.  Yes, sir, I do realize, Mayor Shelton, that it is not your personal vendetta to lie awake at night to come up with ways to make me late for work.  BUT...how i hate the delays.  And oh how i've tried to out fox you! 

 At soon as i see that long line of cars my mind spins like a top.  I'll turn here and there trying to just not sit still for the few extra minutes it will take.  I've tried every detour imaginable to me and Siri!   Just when i think i've got it all whipped, there's a TRAIN! Are you kidding me??? Come on!!! Gee Willikers! 

Then one day i actually timed it.  3 min. 27 sec.  that's how many extra minutes it took when i drove through the road construction.  The detours??? The quickest one was an added 6 minutes.  I finally figured out the only reason for taking the detours was just so i wasn't sitting still or going slow.  When i just backed my ears and left 3 min and 27 sec. earlier, quit trying to find a way out,  my road rage subsided and arrived at work with a much friendlier attitude.  just look how blue that sky is!!! What a glorious day it's going to be!  i wonder how hard it is to drive one of those things with the big bucket on it? he looks like he is having fun. 

uh oh...i feel a life lesson coming on. 

When i'm going through a season of "construction" in my life, i often (read:  always)  do everything to avoid it. 

sitting still.  going slow.   that's when the construction takes place.  

"God, just what are you doing here???" 

"Another roadblock???"

"Are you serious???"

"Can you not give me just one tiny little baby break!!!"

But if i just slow down.  quit trying to avoid it.  stop turning the corner every time i see a flagman ahead, i find it's really not so bad.  i might even see God at work.  might even see HOW He's repairing years of damage and the daily wear and tear.  

There are days when i feel like i should be wrapped in caution tape from head to toe.  But at least He's at work!  And it's really really true.  Just like Mayor Shelton loves where he grew up in East Tupelo too much to leave it like it is, God loves me too much to leave me like i am.  One day - not this side of heaven, but one day- this is the sign we'll see!